Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Sex in the backyard? Check.
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