wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I just found puke in my bra..
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
