Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Randomize
