he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
