and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
