I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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