Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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