my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
