you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
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