i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
