Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
