i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
