i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
