just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
