I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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