My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
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