I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Randomize
