I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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