Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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