She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Randomize
