well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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