I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
