I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize