He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
