I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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