is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
