Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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