There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
