Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
honey bunches of taint.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
