mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
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