i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
