i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Dick very happy bro
A+ Viking dick
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I smell like Dick and happiness
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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