After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Randomize
