i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
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