I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
