I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
