I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
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