So drunk its hurt
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
