Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
operation have a gay friend backfired
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
