Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
