Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
