i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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