he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
