oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
