just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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