Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
