Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
