Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
