You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Randomize
