You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
