I looked at my own cervix.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize