He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Everything about him screamed your future.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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