hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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