repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Who put my cat in the fridge?
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
