Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
