I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
