You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
