thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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