I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
