My room smells like vodka and shame
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
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