dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize