Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
